I dreamt that I was laying in the dirt, hugging the earth.
I saw that my face was sad, but in the very same instance I looked like I was home. Like I had been reunited with a lover, or a relative I thought I’d never see again. The wind was rushing. It was so loud that if I spoke, no one would hear me. If I shouted, no one would hear me. And the dirt was slowly becoming a part of me, so my body began blowing in the wind like my hair, but I never blew away completely.
I was just a mesh of dirt and wind.
Mother earth was taking care of me.
How are you, little city of sweet wonder? I wish I could see you again, and this time with the coming season of Christmastime, covered in snow. Thinking of you with a heart full of wishes of love so hot they could burn a hole through running water.
Should Sebastian visit again with Becca and her scholarly lover, I hope they feast merrily on cake and coffee and cigarettes in the town centre with the busy students and the wide-eyed tourists.
Every time I return it’s always as if I’ve never left. And I remain amazed at how my soul changes, sprouting roots back into the most familiar territory of my life.
I miss the way it feels to be alone at night in the cold. I miss the way the wind sounds. I miss the woods and the river and the empty factory next to the baseball field and how it looks when the first frost hits. I miss birds and backyard stars. I miss the graveyards.
The story never changes.
On this day I was an Italian princess running “through the fields wonderful with eyes a little sorry.” (ee cummings)
It was a beautiful fall day in November somewhere in Torino.
It was cold, there were so many leaves, and the mansion in the background was completely vacant, which left me imagining that the air around me was filled with ghosts. I drank hot chocolate with Nutella on set and wore vintage hats. There was an old fountain that wasn’t running, and I remember thinking, “The world is so big, and my home is so far away, yet here I am right now in this amazing place doing something different and exciting and making new friends.”
That feeling is a special one I can’t entirely explain.